Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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