Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
