so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
