Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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