Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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