Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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