Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you made out with another girl for some wings
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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