Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize