I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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