how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
