is your mom at the bar?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
