He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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