Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
