What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
