woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
