Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
