just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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