I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
