i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
