so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
