She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
