how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
