Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
