you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
