I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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