Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
