My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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