is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
