Dual....:-)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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