Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
