had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
