You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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