yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
