Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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