Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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