People in love make me want to vomit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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