I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
