Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
