I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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