right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
