I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
