At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
