I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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