The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
