quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
