i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
