i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
