ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
