Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
