why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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